You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
