I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
