Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
