That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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