Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So here I am, sexting at work.
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