just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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