He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
