just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
