I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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