Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
