eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
