Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize