My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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