Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
