maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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