Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
