shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
