Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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