I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
