it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
