Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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