I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
