Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
