i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
