I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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