my sisters under your porch take her home
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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