I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
