Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
