for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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