So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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