You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
