I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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