The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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