So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
