I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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