Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
