I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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