the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
