Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
