i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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