I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
