i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
