And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
