Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
