You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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