The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
