Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can I color on your dick again?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
