Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
