Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
