his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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