I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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