Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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