Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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