Already got asked if we're dating
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize