As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
