Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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