You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
