Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
