and you said cock pushups were impossible
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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