When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
