Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
