I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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