Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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