I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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