I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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