What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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