also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
