that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize