I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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