i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
